I’m having trouble bringing myself to read a poem about anal sex in front of my ENG 101 students, the department coordinator, and my 90-year-old grandmother—it involves saying things like “Too many movies had vaginas,” “I am how a plunger must feel, plumbing dark, septic depths,” and “Somewhere, my mother is frowning.” But I feel like it has some of my best language in it, though. Ditto this for my poem about having crabs.

Also, I will simultaneously out myself to about 30 people, my largest simultaneous outing ever.